Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
