You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
