had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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