I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She even gives head with a lisp.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
