The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
