I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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