Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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