I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you didnt know i had herpes?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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