i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
