As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
