cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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