I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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