how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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