I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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