Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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