Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
BRING THE BAGELS
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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