he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
