she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
did i just pee glitter
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
