I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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