I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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