I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
