if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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