maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
