So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
