Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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