Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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