Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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