I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
