The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
