he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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