I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
