Don't make out with my wife yet
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
