and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
