some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
