Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it because I queefed?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize