don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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