I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Randomize
