READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I didn't notice because vodka
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
