My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize