god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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