Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
