make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
