TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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