im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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