Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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