hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
