I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize