Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i already hear my dad disowning me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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