Someone shit on the floor
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
