Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
