I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
