She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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