It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
