Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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