allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
