I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Vodka?
Forever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
