he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Randomize
