I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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