Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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