i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
