Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
