I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want her autograph on my taint
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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