Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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