That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
